Speak Now

If you don't speak up for what you want, you'll never get it

2 notes

Random Thought

  1. I bought my prom and I hate it because its so expensive and I love it because it makes me feel really pretty. 
  2. Don’t leave prom dress shopping to the last minute because then all the dresses in your size that you like and don’t have to take to a tailor will be gone. 
  3. I don’t like randomly being ignored for no reason or reasons that I’m not aware of. I hate it. 
  4. Why why why do clothes have to cost money, I just want to look cute and pretty all the time so I feel less ugly. 
  5. I talked to a lot of people today about prom and dresses and being angry at how expensive it is. And that made me happy. And I’m still talking to Kitty and Pcw and Oliver and Emily and they all make me especially happy because I love them a lot. Thanks for dealing  and listening to all my crazy-ness. 
  6. I really wish Cameron was my actual therapist ewkjrgwe;f
  7. I’m sad and mad and I feel bad that I feel mad and that is why I never think my feelings are valid/justified.
  8. When I developed my last roll of film some of the pictures came out and it made me sad D:: but I still got some good ones and I’m excited to print in photo tomorrow askgjer;log.
  9. God I want to go to college so bad. None of these things will matter, I can start over and get away from the bad things. 
  10. In college I’m going to try to just make me a better version of myself. I want to start exercising again, and eating normally, and having healthy relationships and actually do well in my classes and get work done and study and I know I’ll still procrastinate but hopefully it won’t be as bad as it got junior/senior year. I just want to try to make things better so I can be happier in college. 
  11. Today was really bad. But Cameron is always helpful and she let me stay and talk to her until the period was over. Oliver took my pin away and I left school during lunch. I wish I could’ve stayed for drumline. I love drumline. 
  12. I don’t want to feel bad and sad and betrayed and worthless and replaceable and irrelevant anymore and guilty and horrible anymore. I’m trying to get better and I’m trying to make things and train myself so that I stop thinking and feeling like this because I really want to not hate myself anymore. Even though they wouldn’t be completely gone, depression and anxiety is so much more manageable when I don’t hate myself. 
  13. I hope I can keep playing mallets, it makes so happy, you don’t understand. This might not make sense and sound so cheesy but I identify as a mallet/percussion player. I can’t imagine not being a mallet/percussion player because its something thats been one of the biggest and best things in my life and I don’t want to lose everything I’ve built up over the years and lose all my knowledge of percussion and stuff. I don’t know if that made sense Idk I just really love it okay. It keeps me sane
  14. I’m nervous about prom, but I’m excited to see everyone all fancy and in their dresses. I’M BRINGING MY CAMERA AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME AND I WILL TAKE PICTURES OF ALL OF YOU LOOKING SUPER GORGEOUS. 
  15. I don’t know if my feelings are ever valid but I still hate always having to fix things. I feel like I constantly have to fix everything in my life. So many aspects of my life always need to be fixed. 
  16. GINA IS SO HAPPY AND UPBEAT AND LAUGHING AND MAKING STUPID JOKES ALL THE TIME BEING AROUND HER MAKES ME SO HAPPY IM GOING TO MISS HER SO MUCH. ASDFGHJKL. 
  17. I’m going to miss so many underclassmen I’m going to cry. 
  18. I don’t want to keep things in my life if they’re going to make me feel bad and sad. I don’t want to feel bad and sad. I want to feel like I matter, or at least make myself believe that I do. 
  19. I feel like I’m not going to stay in touch with my family for that^ reason. Maybe I’ll keep in touch with my mom a little bit. The only thing I feel I’m going to miss from my house is my room… and my dog… and my mom occasionally. 
  20. God damn it I want all the seniors to come back so bad so we can all hang out again like before. Agh I miss you guys so much. wehavetohangoutalotbecauseIloveyouguysandyoumademelaughandhappyandIjustreallymissyouguysingeneralandinbandtoo.
  21. I have AM tomorrow. aasdfghjkl;wrfkdghfr. 
  22. If anyone in Emily’s prom group thing needs to borrow jewelry please ask me. I have so much jewelry that I’ve collected over the year that I never get to wear. They’re probably all sad that they’re always in that like the talking money in Mr. Krabs safe that were sad because they never got spent in that one episode off Spongebob. 
  23. I’m making too many crazy analogies. Today I need to sleep. 
  24. I have lockets and I like them because I like things that open. Like lockets and doors and boxes and bottles and jars and stuff like that.
  25. I like Elsa form Frozen a lot. Because her hair and dress are so pretty and I feel like I can relate to her a lot. I’m declaring her to be one of my favorite princesses. 
  26. I don’t want people to think I’m a horrible person. But even if that happened, which is probably the worst case scenario that I need to stop alway believing will happen, college starts soon and I wont have to worry about what they think anymore. 
  27. If I get rescinded from college, which may not happen but there is a chance that it could now, I will kill myself. 
  28. I’ve noticed that sometimes I say the word stretch out loud I stretch 

Filed under Sleep I'm excited for photo and drumline tomorrow

2 notes

Me:
I don't know what to do
Oliver:
If you don't know what to do then don't do anything
Me:
Thats literally how I failed calculous.